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Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Positive???

The day after our appointment (sunday) I was feeling funny. I can't really describe it. I woke up really emotional and starving. I just felt funny.

We slept in and lazed around all day. I went shopping, we watched the Bears game, made sausage and sauerkraut. But i just couldn't help this weird hormal feeling. I was trying to chalk it up to PMS but there had been other weird signs--

1. I got the worst migrane of my life about a week after I ovulated. I occationally get migranes, but this was unreal. I was blinded by it and I spent 2 hours just throwing up repeatedly. I couldn't shake the feeling that it was a hormonal shift of some kind, my body felt "off"
2. We had a crazy busy weekend the week before (six flags on friday, give peace a dance on saturday, and a wedding on sunday) and I never seemed to recover from it. I was just naggingly exhausted all week no matter how much I slept.
3. my boobs got crazy swollen. and I mean CRAZY. I actually put the bathroom scale on our table and weighed them because they were spilling out of all my bras.

I chalked everything up to PMS. We were going to a reproductive endocrinologist, we were on our way, no need to be all irrational and think it would come this easy. I even joked to O a few days before our appointment that if our baby was anything like me it'd probably be all dramatic and show up rrriiiiigggghhht before we started treatment...

That night we went to Arliss's house to watch Mad Men. It was a pretty intense episode (the one where Peggy fires Joey on Joan's behalf, if you're curious) and Arliss was sitting next to me on the couch munching on some chips. The smell was so overpowering that i started eating them too even though i don't even like barbeque chips. Immediately after eating a few I started feeling incredibly sea-sick. It was like my stomach had turned over. I decided to stop at walgreens on the way home and buy a test even though my period still wasn't due for a few days. I told O I was just picking up some tampons and made him wait in the car while i ran in. As soon as we got home I raced to bathroom, even though I'd gone at arliss's house I was practically busting. I kept telling myself as soon as I see that it's negative I'll quit having these phantom symptoms and be able to relax. I was stupified when i looked down at the test and saw another line.

two lines? what? there aren't supposed to be two lines like that. i kept looking at it thinking that the other line would fade away as the test dried, but it didn't. in fact it got more pink. I'd spent the better part of the last year planning all the romantic ways I'd tell O when we finally got pregnant. We'd had a few close calls and I had regretted telling him too early. I always planned to wait til I had a blood test next time and do something romantic. Really make it special for him.

All of my romantic plans went flying out the window when I saw that second line. I walked out of the bathroom holding the test and as soon as he looked at me we both started crying. We just kept hugging and crying.

I couldn't sleep at all. I kept thinking it was going to go away. I must have snuck out of bed to look at the test again four different times.

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