So, in summary, tuesday I went in to see the midwife after spotting all weekend . She couldn't find a heartbeat on the doppler and said she would talk to my HMO and get payment for an ultrasound. wednesday she called me back and said she turned in all the paperwork and we should have an answer ASAP because she marked it urgent. She gave me her pager number but said she had the next 2 days off but had given all the necessary hmo info to the office manager who would call me the second we had approval. Thursday morning I called to see if the fax had come in and the office told me it had not. I spent the day shopping with my mom and cleaning house getting ready for my bff Sara's weekend visit. Finally at 4PM I called the office again and left a message. At 4:55 (five minutes before the office closed) I finally got a call saying they recieved the approval number and here's your payment approval number to give the ultrasound place. So I quickly called the ultrasound place to make an appointment. First they said the soonest they could get me in would be Nov 4th. Then I told them that my midwife wanted the ultrasound to determine fetal viability and I was bleeding and needed it, like, yesterday. So they told me they could squeeze me in at 7:15 AM on saturday morning. That was great because then O could come with me.
Every seemed to be working until she said, "wait, I can't book this appointment because of a credit hold on your name" what? what the fuck? seriously? So she told me she'd hold the appointment time for me but I had to clear up a credit problem before they'd agree to see me. So she gave me the number and we said good day.
Today (friday), I called the payment credit department SIX times before noon and left multiple (increasingly urgent) messages and still no call back. Finally I called back the ultrasound department to see if my appointment was being held and to see if they'd recieved the payment fax from my HMO. They hadn't and they hadn't. At this point I was rapidly reaching the end of my fraying rope. As soon as I started talking tough she transferred me to credit services, so I got tough with her, and she transferred to someone who knew what they were talking about. In 2004-2005 I had a severe peptic ulcer and had to recieve several ultrasounds and medications. The last ultrasound they gave me in 2005 was denied by my insurance because it's purpose was to determine if the ulcer was adequately healing. Last I heard (as a freaking 20-year-old) was that the hospital was appealing the decision because it was deemed a medically neccessary procedure. I thought that was that. Come to find out that the insurance agreed to pay 80% of the bill leaving me with the other 20% (about $300). I understand I should've followed up with this, and I take responsibility for that, but to deny a bleeding pregnant woman a fetal viability ultrasound just seems callous and cruel. Really. So I spent much of the morning being transferred from office to office repeating that no, I could not afford to pay off this 6-year-old balance today and yes, I was going to get my ultrasound tomorrow. Finally, maybe 3 transfers in, I totally snapped. I started full-on sobbing and threatening to sue them. Finally when I said, "so apprently swedish covenent will not allow me to recieve adequate prenatal care because I have an outstanding credit bill?" they transferred me to someone important. Suddenly things changed, this guy was so polite and understanding and deeply apologized for such insensitivity, very apologetic and all "of course you can get your ultrasound tomorrow, I'm so sorry you had to deal with all this at such a fragile time." These fucking pricks. Seriously. I could not believe it.
Now tonight I am having a 12 person dinner party to celebrate my friend Sara. I feel like I've been whacked with a shit-ton of bricks. My face hurts from crying so hard. I'm exhausted and sick and I feel like the fatest mcfaterson that ever fated my hair is disgusting and I have to pull it all together. Seriously I'm so emotional all I want to do is lock myself in a dark room and watch the godfather trilogy. uuuuuggggghhhh. hopefully I can get it together in the next 5 hours.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
10 weeks! yay- double digits!
Yesterday, after spotting the last few days I finally broke down and called the midwife. She told me that since she was on call and had to be at the hospital for deliveries she would sneak me in afterhours and we could try and find the heartbeat on doppler.
She called at around 6:15 and said "hurry in now" and so O and I rushed over. It gave us a chance to see the labor and delivery floor in action (not just during a tour) and I have to admit it kind of terrified me. First of all it's highly secured and and very small. There looked to be only maybe 10 rooms tops. But the nurses all seemed nice. O said it was more "hospital-y" than he expected.
The midwife, Gina, who I hadn't met before came rushing out and she was just so nice. I can't say enough good things about her. She completly changed my opinion of the practice. After that ratty first appointment I was ready to switch to West Suburban, but Gina totally changed my mind. hopefully she's not the only good one.
Anyway, so we went to an exam room and she felt my uterus, said I was measuring perfectly for 10 weeks, there's no reason to believe the baby isn't growing. Unfortunately she couldn't find the heartbeat on the doppler which, although it freaked us out a little, she was over the top reassuring. Kept saying it was still so extremely early, most doctors won't even try if you're under 12 weeks. Then she said we'd been patient long enough, it's terrifying to be on hormone medication and still seeing blood, we need to get an ultrasound. The way she said it made me feel less like a spaz about the whole thing. I was starting to feel like I was being overdramatic. And I know people who haven't been pregnant don't understand, but when you see blood you just freak out- no matter how little it is, you just freak. It was cool of her to understand that. She told me that HMOs rarely approve more than 1 ultrasound in the first trimester but to trust her because she's "an expert at being dramatic on paper." She said if I happened to see the order not to freak out, because she was going to make the situation sound very dire and dramatic and say that fetal viability is unlikely. BUT according to my physical body it looks like everything is ok. What is probably happening is that the Crinone (progesterone) is irritating my cervix and causing spotting, it likely has nothing to do with the fetus or my uterus.
So I guess we just wait and see...
C'mon second trimester! Only 3 more weeks!
She called at around 6:15 and said "hurry in now" and so O and I rushed over. It gave us a chance to see the labor and delivery floor in action (not just during a tour) and I have to admit it kind of terrified me. First of all it's highly secured and and very small. There looked to be only maybe 10 rooms tops. But the nurses all seemed nice. O said it was more "hospital-y" than he expected.
The midwife, Gina, who I hadn't met before came rushing out and she was just so nice. I can't say enough good things about her. She completly changed my opinion of the practice. After that ratty first appointment I was ready to switch to West Suburban, but Gina totally changed my mind. hopefully she's not the only good one.
Anyway, so we went to an exam room and she felt my uterus, said I was measuring perfectly for 10 weeks, there's no reason to believe the baby isn't growing. Unfortunately she couldn't find the heartbeat on the doppler which, although it freaked us out a little, she was over the top reassuring. Kept saying it was still so extremely early, most doctors won't even try if you're under 12 weeks. Then she said we'd been patient long enough, it's terrifying to be on hormone medication and still seeing blood, we need to get an ultrasound. The way she said it made me feel less like a spaz about the whole thing. I was starting to feel like I was being overdramatic. And I know people who haven't been pregnant don't understand, but when you see blood you just freak out- no matter how little it is, you just freak. It was cool of her to understand that. She told me that HMOs rarely approve more than 1 ultrasound in the first trimester but to trust her because she's "an expert at being dramatic on paper." She said if I happened to see the order not to freak out, because she was going to make the situation sound very dire and dramatic and say that fetal viability is unlikely. BUT according to my physical body it looks like everything is ok. What is probably happening is that the Crinone (progesterone) is irritating my cervix and causing spotting, it likely has nothing to do with the fetus or my uterus.
So I guess we just wait and see...
C'mon second trimester! Only 3 more weeks!
oh, yeah, the weekend and halloweenering
this last weekend was crazy. i must've been SO tired i forgot to update.
thursday we went to this haunted house (chronicles of the cursed) downtown with Jack and then at midnight we all went to see a screening of Paranormal Activity 2- it was awesome and terrifying. then on friday O and I bbsat Arliss' son Ethon til around midnight. O and I were so tired we kept griping at each other and when we finally fell into bed we didn't get up until about 11 the next day. Then, saturday we went with my mom and my siblings to Trails of Terror at peterson park and then went with them to see Paranormal Activity 2 AGAIN (it was that good- and my mom paid). On sunday we went to dinner at my parents house and rachael and the kids tried to name our unborn child. it was funny!
The girls on my internet board were all debating whether or not it was "safe" to go to haunted houses while preggs, but I can't imagine how it wouldn't be. my heartrate probably goes higher at the gym. Plus it's fun!
sara is coming into town this weekend (thurs-sun) it is going to be SOOO much fun, I can't wait to have some girl time.
thursday we went to this haunted house (chronicles of the cursed) downtown with Jack and then at midnight we all went to see a screening of Paranormal Activity 2- it was awesome and terrifying. then on friday O and I bbsat Arliss' son Ethon til around midnight. O and I were so tired we kept griping at each other and when we finally fell into bed we didn't get up until about 11 the next day. Then, saturday we went with my mom and my siblings to Trails of Terror at peterson park and then went with them to see Paranormal Activity 2 AGAIN (it was that good- and my mom paid). On sunday we went to dinner at my parents house and rachael and the kids tried to name our unborn child. it was funny!
The girls on my internet board were all debating whether or not it was "safe" to go to haunted houses while preggs, but I can't imagine how it wouldn't be. my heartrate probably goes higher at the gym. Plus it's fun!
sara is coming into town this weekend (thurs-sun) it is going to be SOOO much fun, I can't wait to have some girl time.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
my new super power
Over the weekend (about 9 and half weeks) I developed super-human smell. It's insane. I was babysitting Ethon on friday and the smell of all the candles in Arliss's house was driving me crazy, my nose felt like it was being burned from the inside out. Artificial smells like cologe and perfume and febreeze are killing me. it feels like I'm smelling acid and my nose is burning up.
out, out damn spot
I started spotting again over the weekend. This is really getting old. I was supposed to be able to start weaning off of the progesterone suppositories at 10 weeks (tomorrow) but now it looks like I'll be on them until 12. So annoying! I just don't understand what is going wrong? I finally called the midwife today because the color was more red and I started freaking out, but she was SOO nice and so reassuring. It was totally different from the other one I talked to. This one was helpful and actually listened to and validated what I was saying. She said there were a lot of reasons that I was spotting and miscarriage was likely the least of them, if I was losing the baby I would be in a lot more pain and I would be full-on bleeding heavily. She said I can come in tonight and the after-hours midwife would try to find the heartbeat on a doppler and check my cervix. I just can't get over how nice she was, she was like, "there's no reason to just wait it out and feel scared. If you feel scared for whatever reason just call the midwife on call. Why torture yourself? This is what we're here for." It made me feel so much better.
Do or do not, there is no try...
So one thing I definitely did not expect from people was to be asked, "were you guys trying?" and I never know how to answer. Usually I manage to make a joke like, "um, we were trying to have sex..." but it just feels so weird and personal. Why do people ask this?
Thursday, October 21, 2010
what can i write about my 9th week?
hmm. in terms of symptoms not much has changed. still tired, still nauseous but overall no big deal.
all i want to eat is potatoes, spicy nacho doritos, and pickles. my capacity for spicy food has gone way way up. i put hot sauce on everything.
Oh! here's a big change: yesterday when I was laying in bed I put my hands on my lower stomach, right above my pubic bone and I can sort of feel the beginning of my baby bump! there's a hard place where my uterus must be. I've also noticed that i can't fall forward the way i used to because it makes my stomach feel all squishy. weird!
i've been having a lot of crazy dreams; had one last night that i thought i had a miscarriage but when i looked into the cup that i caught my "baby" in it was a doll. weird. oh! and i had one that i was riding a horse and it fell in the mud. oh! and one where the hosts of Give Peace a Dance invited me onto their huge boat (i think that one would have gotten dirty but I woke up in the middle of it). My dreams have been crazy vivid lately!
also, the other weird thing is how in every single dream I have about the baby it always a girl. always. I even had one where i was decorating something (a baby bag?) and i was putting little blue decals on it and the whole time i was like, "I hope my daughter loves blue!"
O and I could care less what it turns out to be, as long as it's healthy (and a baby). I keep going back and forth about whether I'd want a son or a daughter because everyone else seems to have such a strong preference, but I just can't care about it. there are good points to having both!
At nine weeks my baby is about an inch long- the size of a big grape and takes up this much room inside of me:
all i want to eat is potatoes, spicy nacho doritos, and pickles. my capacity for spicy food has gone way way up. i put hot sauce on everything.
Oh! here's a big change: yesterday when I was laying in bed I put my hands on my lower stomach, right above my pubic bone and I can sort of feel the beginning of my baby bump! there's a hard place where my uterus must be. I've also noticed that i can't fall forward the way i used to because it makes my stomach feel all squishy. weird!
i've been having a lot of crazy dreams; had one last night that i thought i had a miscarriage but when i looked into the cup that i caught my "baby" in it was a doll. weird. oh! and i had one that i was riding a horse and it fell in the mud. oh! and one where the hosts of Give Peace a Dance invited me onto their huge boat (i think that one would have gotten dirty but I woke up in the middle of it). My dreams have been crazy vivid lately!
also, the other weird thing is how in every single dream I have about the baby it always a girl. always. I even had one where i was decorating something (a baby bag?) and i was putting little blue decals on it and the whole time i was like, "I hope my daughter loves blue!"
O and I could care less what it turns out to be, as long as it's healthy (and a baby). I keep going back and forth about whether I'd want a son or a daughter because everyone else seems to have such a strong preference, but I just can't care about it. there are good points to having both!
At nine weeks my baby is about an inch long- the size of a big grape and takes up this much room inside of me:
the name game
Girls:
we will probably try and find a good virtue name for her, since I have one but I also really like-
Eden
Rebecca
Lila
Elise
Harmony (O)
Molly
Gretta
Olive
Summer
Boys:
middle or first name will definitely be Lawrence
Theodore
James
Julian
Henry
Robert
Jonah
Oliver
Caelum
we will probably try and find a good virtue name for her, since I have one but I also really like-
Eden
Rebecca
Lila
Elise
Harmony (O)
Molly
Gretta
Olive
Summer
Boys:
middle or first name will definitely be Lawrence
Theodore
James
Julian
Henry
Robert
Jonah
Oliver
Caelum
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
are crows a bad omen?
Yesterday when I was at work Jake (the 3-yr-old I nanny) and I were in the living room getting ready to go pick up his sister when all of the sudden this enormous flock of birds land in the trees out front. They were so loud, screaming and caw-ing, that they actually drown out the TV. It was really creepy. Then when Jake and I walked outside I noticed there were a bunch of people including stopped cars all standing around and watching the crows- who were going even more insane and flying low and just being all apocolypitcally foreshadowing. Then they started dropping from the sky, first just one or two and then a whole bunch. I counted 11 before Jake and I got in the car to go pick up his sister. When we got back I saw a bunch of neighbors and animal control people picking up the carcasses and I asked if anyone knew what was going on. One guy said he say a hawk up there trying to get the crows and another guy said from the way the crows were twitching on the ground after they fell he was sure they had to have eaten rat poison. So weird!
ok, so I hate Ikea, buuuuuut....
I love the mammut series! So neat and colorful and cartoonish. I'm so over boring wood nursury furniture. I want something different!
UNFORTUNATELY, like the jerks ikea have proven themselves to be they are discontinuing it and have already eliminated the crib. I looked online for recalls and safety reviews and no one has reported any problems with it, they just are elminating the line. I'm so pissed :(
UNFORTUNATELY, like the jerks ikea have proven themselves to be they are discontinuing it and have already eliminated the crib. I looked online for recalls and safety reviews and no one has reported any problems with it, they just are elminating the line. I'm so pissed :(
oct 18th, 1st midwife appt
Had my first midwife appointment on monday and it has me seriously reconsidering the whole whole midwife thing. First of all there are 8 midwives in the practice and since you never know who will be on call for your birth you have to see all 8. At first I was ok with that, but now it's kind of bothering me. I want to have a quasi-close relationship with the person who will be delivering my child and not someone I've met once or twice. It also kind of makes me less likely to call with questions because you never know who you're going to get and whether or not they know you and are familiar with your situation. Kind of a bummer really, I was pretty prepared to LOVE this place.
I'm nine weeks today, so in a few weeks I have to start weaning myself off the progesterone suppositories (as the placenta grows in the 2nd trimester) and the midwife I had, Libby, seemed to not be familiar with progesterone supplements at all. She had to go "look up" (google?) how long I had to keep taking them and how I had to stop. She told me I could just quit "cold turkey" at 10 weeks but this isn't what any of the websites I've found say. Then when she was writing up the blood test orders I asked if she could do a progesterone draw just to see what my numbers are and she flat out refused. "At this point it's really irrelevant" she said. Obviously she's not the one who's been cramming hormones up her hoo-ha for the last 5 weeks. "If the number is bad there's nothing more we can do and it will just cause you stress, and if the number is good it doesn't prove anything because your placenta might already be taking over." great. For some reason this whole exchange made me pretty mad. I thought the idea of having a midwife was to manage your own care?
Then she told me that they're not going to order an ultrasound until my 20 week major check. And I get that I got my first ultrasound early- 6 weeks instead of 8- but my former Ob ordered that because neither one of us was sure that there was still a baby in there after all the spotting. Also, here's the scary thing about using supplemental progesterone: if the baby dies or doesn't grow or whatever the progesterone will keep me from miscarrying naturally. So it's totally possible that the baby passed at 7 weeks and I won't know until I'm off the progesterone completely at 13 weeks. Seriously, you won't give me a little peace of mind and order a freakin ultrasound?! I'm so pissed about that.
Then she told me that it would probably be best if i tried to gain NO weight with this pregnancy. definitely no more than 10 lbs. And again, I know I'm very overweight, but I guess I was expecting more of a "use your best judgement" from such a holistic place. Not to mention that I've actually lost weight so far, so it's not like I'm some fatso using pregnancy as an excuse to just chow down on everything in sight. The whole thing left me a little disgruntled. I'm going to go to one more appt with a different midwife on November 8th and if it doesn't go better that's it, i'm switching.
I'm nine weeks today, so in a few weeks I have to start weaning myself off the progesterone suppositories (as the placenta grows in the 2nd trimester) and the midwife I had, Libby, seemed to not be familiar with progesterone supplements at all. She had to go "look up" (google?) how long I had to keep taking them and how I had to stop. She told me I could just quit "cold turkey" at 10 weeks but this isn't what any of the websites I've found say. Then when she was writing up the blood test orders I asked if she could do a progesterone draw just to see what my numbers are and she flat out refused. "At this point it's really irrelevant" she said. Obviously she's not the one who's been cramming hormones up her hoo-ha for the last 5 weeks. "If the number is bad there's nothing more we can do and it will just cause you stress, and if the number is good it doesn't prove anything because your placenta might already be taking over." great. For some reason this whole exchange made me pretty mad. I thought the idea of having a midwife was to manage your own care?
Then she told me that they're not going to order an ultrasound until my 20 week major check. And I get that I got my first ultrasound early- 6 weeks instead of 8- but my former Ob ordered that because neither one of us was sure that there was still a baby in there after all the spotting. Also, here's the scary thing about using supplemental progesterone: if the baby dies or doesn't grow or whatever the progesterone will keep me from miscarrying naturally. So it's totally possible that the baby passed at 7 weeks and I won't know until I'm off the progesterone completely at 13 weeks. Seriously, you won't give me a little peace of mind and order a freakin ultrasound?! I'm so pissed about that.
Then she told me that it would probably be best if i tried to gain NO weight with this pregnancy. definitely no more than 10 lbs. And again, I know I'm very overweight, but I guess I was expecting more of a "use your best judgement" from such a holistic place. Not to mention that I've actually lost weight so far, so it's not like I'm some fatso using pregnancy as an excuse to just chow down on everything in sight. The whole thing left me a little disgruntled. I'm going to go to one more appt with a different midwife on November 8th and if it doesn't go better that's it, i'm switching.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Mark and April's wedding & Maternity shopping
Last night was my cousin's wedding. I am learning that it is actually possible to have a hangover without drinking. A dance and soda hangover maybe?
Also, even though I asked the boys to not spread the news so that O and I could tell everyone they apparently just decided to tell everyone anyway. I don't even care anymore. I'm learning that this inability to have things go according to plan is preparing me for being a mother. Plus my cousins had the good sense to play dumb and even act surprised and thrilled when I told them. It was only afterwards that they said "oh yeah, dave told me a few days ago." Sweet, thanks dave, you asshole. Anyway they were all super nice about it and cheering and slapping O on the back, it was nice. We had so much fun! I danced so much I'm sore. Actually I think my ligaments are loosening up or something, I can't just around like I used to. My hips feel looser and my back hurts more. Bummer, this baby loves dancing! We have a full season of Full Moon Jams and GPAD to look forward to shakin it at.
Today, saturday, I decided to go get a Bella Band so I can keep wearing my skinny jeans as long as possible. I worked so hard to get down to a size 14/16 and now I'm wearing my fat size 20s to be comfortable. I can still wear the 16s but I hate having something tight across my belly, it's so uncomfortable. So anyway, I went to Motherhood Maternity with O in tow and was surprised at the cute stuff they had. I've been sort of dreading the eventual crossover into maternity clothes, but they had some neat stuff. And the salesgirls were so friendly! Asked me when I was due, made some suggestions, it was all very nice. I wasn't expecting it to be such a great experience. O insisted I get this tanktop that said "pregnant is the new skinny" I can't imagine where I'll wear it to, but it was a sweet gesture. I didn't expect to have so many issues with body image during pregnancy. I always thought that since I was already overweight it wouldn't be such a huge deal to me. I couldn't have been more wrong. It's killing me that I spent the first half of this year taking off 30 pounds and now I'll spend the second half of the year slowly putting it back on. I'm determined to not gain more than 20 pounds. I do not want to be more than my original, pre-diet weight. I'm trying my damnest to not gain anything in the first trimester. It kills me that I'm sickened at the thought of steel cut oatmeal and raw veggies. Pretty much all I want to eat is all the food I spent the last year avoiding. It's like some cruel joke.
Anyway, so I got the funny shirt and the Bella Band and even some maternity khakis from target that were on sale. We stopped at the thrift store and got some baggy shirts and few more pairs of sweatpants (which are all I want to wear, like a total slob). All in all it was a pretty great, albeit exhausting weekend.
Also, even though I asked the boys to not spread the news so that O and I could tell everyone they apparently just decided to tell everyone anyway. I don't even care anymore. I'm learning that this inability to have things go according to plan is preparing me for being a mother. Plus my cousins had the good sense to play dumb and even act surprised and thrilled when I told them. It was only afterwards that they said "oh yeah, dave told me a few days ago." Sweet, thanks dave, you asshole. Anyway they were all super nice about it and cheering and slapping O on the back, it was nice. We had so much fun! I danced so much I'm sore. Actually I think my ligaments are loosening up or something, I can't just around like I used to. My hips feel looser and my back hurts more. Bummer, this baby loves dancing! We have a full season of Full Moon Jams and GPAD to look forward to shakin it at.
Today, saturday, I decided to go get a Bella Band so I can keep wearing my skinny jeans as long as possible. I worked so hard to get down to a size 14/16 and now I'm wearing my fat size 20s to be comfortable. I can still wear the 16s but I hate having something tight across my belly, it's so uncomfortable. So anyway, I went to Motherhood Maternity with O in tow and was surprised at the cute stuff they had. I've been sort of dreading the eventual crossover into maternity clothes, but they had some neat stuff. And the salesgirls were so friendly! Asked me when I was due, made some suggestions, it was all very nice. I wasn't expecting it to be such a great experience. O insisted I get this tanktop that said "pregnant is the new skinny" I can't imagine where I'll wear it to, but it was a sweet gesture. I didn't expect to have so many issues with body image during pregnancy. I always thought that since I was already overweight it wouldn't be such a huge deal to me. I couldn't have been more wrong. It's killing me that I spent the first half of this year taking off 30 pounds and now I'll spend the second half of the year slowly putting it back on. I'm determined to not gain more than 20 pounds. I do not want to be more than my original, pre-diet weight. I'm trying my damnest to not gain anything in the first trimester. It kills me that I'm sickened at the thought of steel cut oatmeal and raw veggies. Pretty much all I want to eat is all the food I spent the last year avoiding. It's like some cruel joke.
Anyway, so I got the funny shirt and the Bella Band and even some maternity khakis from target that were on sale. We stopped at the thrift store and got some baggy shirts and few more pairs of sweatpants (which are all I want to wear, like a total slob). All in all it was a pretty great, albeit exhausting weekend.
8 weeks, 3 days
I've decided this baby has to be a boy. If it's a girl, it's clearly the most mellow baby girl pregnancy on the planet. I feel great, honestly. I've only thrown-up a handful of times and I'd chalk that up to nerves, anxiety, not taking my vitamins with food, or just waiting too long to eat. My nausea hasn't been that bad. It's really more like I have bad PMS than a baby. I wrote this post about it on my internet birthboard and everyone was like, "I'll trade you! I've been throwing up for weeks." It's not like I want to be sick or have these wildly insane symptoms, but it would be nice to have some physical proof that there is, indeed, a baby in there and not just some bad bloat. I had acne the first few weeks, but even that has started to go away and my skin looks pretty good. Right now my worst pregnancy symptoms are sweating a hair growth. I'm sorry, but in the interest of full disclosure I have to tell you something, in my pre-preggo life I didn't wear deodorant every day. Maybe not even every other day. I know, it's gross, but really I don't sweat. Ever. I think it has something to do with being hypothyroid, but I just don't sweat. And all the aluminum and chemicals in deodorant were scary so I just put baby powder under my arms after a shower and that was that. These days I'm going to the prescription strength Secret with the no sweat guarantee and I still have to reapply in mid-afternoon most days. I now sweat, a lot. It's uncomfortable and gross and kind of makes me feel like a barnyard animal. Also, again probably due to being hypothyroid, I am not very hairy. I shave my legs once, maybe twice a week, and I pretty much never have to go above the knee. Gross, I know, but I just wasn't hairy. Now I'm like a sasquatch if I miss day. and forget about my underarms, I'd shave every hour if I could. Yesterday I actually plucked a fucking chin hair! A real chin hair! Like a fat old greek lady! unreal...
But those 2 inconveniences are nothing compared to what other preggos have to go through. It's nothing really. In fact, it's not really abnormal to sweat and grow hair every day, my thyroid was just so bad that I never did. This is probably how most women feel all the time.
Anyway, I suppose my lack of symptoms can also have something to do with the fact that I'm thrilled to be pregnant. I have at one time or another experienced the full range. I've been so fatigued for days and weeks that it felt like I was living in a fog. I think maybe my excitement and happiness has given me a kind of selective amnesia about all the bad stuff. I keep calling this an "easy" pregnancy, but I forget the terror of week five when I was spotting so heavily I was convinced the baby must have passed. I forget that every night I have to inject progesterone and deal with the sweats and peeing every 30 mins that comes with synthetic hormone usage. I forget that I keep saltines next to the bed because every time I get up to use the bathroom I have to eat something or I'll get dizzy. I forget the crippling caffeine withdrawal headaches and how much I miss deli sandwiches and brie cheese, how I spent the better part of this year avoiding carbs and starches and now all I want to eat is potatoes and white bread. I forget all these things whenever someone asks me how I feel because I'm just so elated to be pregnant. I take a quick inventory and say, "great! amazing even!" because I can't believe my body is actually making another person right now. I mean, already at 8 weeks he's already formed. He has all of his organs and a whole circulatory and nervous system. All he has to do for the next 7 months is grow bigger and develop. It's crazy to me.
O and I walk around most days full of wonder and amazement. It's all we think about, this little person; This second heart in my body. We cannot believe how lucky we are that he chose us to be his parents. It's like every single day we have to remind ourselves there's a baby in there, it's real. O is always reading prenatal books and picking up magazines for me. I just feel supernaturally lucky to have this life right now: my unbelievable husband, my amazing baby, our crazy life and big family. We keep asking ourselves how we got here. I don't know what to call it other than luck, I certainly did nothing to deserve this. I can't possibly imagine how anything could get better.
But those 2 inconveniences are nothing compared to what other preggos have to go through. It's nothing really. In fact, it's not really abnormal to sweat and grow hair every day, my thyroid was just so bad that I never did. This is probably how most women feel all the time.
Anyway, I suppose my lack of symptoms can also have something to do with the fact that I'm thrilled to be pregnant. I have at one time or another experienced the full range. I've been so fatigued for days and weeks that it felt like I was living in a fog. I think maybe my excitement and happiness has given me a kind of selective amnesia about all the bad stuff. I keep calling this an "easy" pregnancy, but I forget the terror of week five when I was spotting so heavily I was convinced the baby must have passed. I forget that every night I have to inject progesterone and deal with the sweats and peeing every 30 mins that comes with synthetic hormone usage. I forget that I keep saltines next to the bed because every time I get up to use the bathroom I have to eat something or I'll get dizzy. I forget the crippling caffeine withdrawal headaches and how much I miss deli sandwiches and brie cheese, how I spent the better part of this year avoiding carbs and starches and now all I want to eat is potatoes and white bread. I forget all these things whenever someone asks me how I feel because I'm just so elated to be pregnant. I take a quick inventory and say, "great! amazing even!" because I can't believe my body is actually making another person right now. I mean, already at 8 weeks he's already formed. He has all of his organs and a whole circulatory and nervous system. All he has to do for the next 7 months is grow bigger and develop. It's crazy to me.
O and I walk around most days full of wonder and amazement. It's all we think about, this little person; This second heart in my body. We cannot believe how lucky we are that he chose us to be his parents. It's like every single day we have to remind ourselves there's a baby in there, it's real. O is always reading prenatal books and picking up magazines for me. I just feel supernaturally lucky to have this life right now: my unbelievable husband, my amazing baby, our crazy life and big family. We keep asking ourselves how we got here. I don't know what to call it other than luck, I certainly did nothing to deserve this. I can't possibly imagine how anything could get better.
Friday, October 15, 2010
beauty appointment and brothers
last night I had a hair appointment to get a (much needed) cut and color. when the receptionist (who's also one of the salon owners) called me to remind me on wednesday morning, I caved and cancelled the color. O's been very uptight about chemicals and we just had a big argument about whther or not I could get my 8 week ultrasound (he is sure ultrasounds are deafening our fetus) so I decided that since he's been caving on my cravings for bologna and was so apologetic about the ultrasound argument that i would give a little and go without touching up my roots for 4 more weeks. I casually mentioned that I still wanted the cut but was going to substitute a pedicure (even though O is sure nail polish causes birth defects) in place of the color because I was nervous and wanted to wait until I was out of the first trimester. She barely registered the news, but was super nice and said "don't worry about it, we get that all the time." so I thought that would be the end of that.
A word about this salon: it's amazing. I've been going there for the better part of a decade and even though my original sylist left to start her own business, I refused to be "poached" since I liked the owners of this place so much. The name of the place is Thairapy Plus Salon and Spa and they basically do everything there and everyone is super knowledgable and nice and chatty. A while back, I needed a last minute trim and my stylist was all booked up so they referred me to this other guy, Paul, who seriously gave me the best haircut of my life. I've sent 2 of my sisters, my Mom, my Bff, and a bunch of other people to see him. I don't even ask for the referral discount anymore because it's embarrassing. Even the most die-hard $10 supercuts fans admit that the $65 fee is well worth it. He's just very careful and exacting and he's not too chatty because you can tell he's hyper-focused on doing a good job.
Anyway, So I showed up last night at 5:45 straight off of a miserable day at work in my kid-stained teeshirt and busted up jeans and they just treated me like royalty. It was exactly what I needed. The owner (who was sooo casual on the phone) was actually so excited that as soon as she hung up, she immediately told everyone who worked there. So as soon as I walked in the door everyone started gushing over me and telling me how beautiful I looked, and reassuring me that my skin and hair looked amazing! It was so sweet. I got to talk about the pregnancy, and names and nursery ideas and everything in a totally no-holds-bar way that I haven't gotten to talk to my friends yet. Every was so happy for me and interested (or at least amazing pretenders if they weren't). It was so sweet. I had so much fun. When O picked me up two hours later he said I looked happier than I have in weeks, I was literally glowing. So hopefully bi-weekly mani pedis will be worth it from now...
Also, yesterday my brother Joe called me to tell me congratulations. It was really nice. I've never actually chatted with Joe, but he was asking how far along I am and when I'm due and he actually sounded excited for me, which was sweet. He said he was happy for me and he was sorry he didn't call sooner. I was really touched.
This is turning out to not be such a miserable week... Tonight is my cousins wedding, pray that word hasn't gotten around yet and I won't be bombarded and teased all night. amen.
A word about this salon: it's amazing. I've been going there for the better part of a decade and even though my original sylist left to start her own business, I refused to be "poached" since I liked the owners of this place so much. The name of the place is Thairapy Plus Salon and Spa and they basically do everything there and everyone is super knowledgable and nice and chatty. A while back, I needed a last minute trim and my stylist was all booked up so they referred me to this other guy, Paul, who seriously gave me the best haircut of my life. I've sent 2 of my sisters, my Mom, my Bff, and a bunch of other people to see him. I don't even ask for the referral discount anymore because it's embarrassing. Even the most die-hard $10 supercuts fans admit that the $65 fee is well worth it. He's just very careful and exacting and he's not too chatty because you can tell he's hyper-focused on doing a good job.
Anyway, So I showed up last night at 5:45 straight off of a miserable day at work in my kid-stained teeshirt and busted up jeans and they just treated me like royalty. It was exactly what I needed. The owner (who was sooo casual on the phone) was actually so excited that as soon as she hung up, she immediately told everyone who worked there. So as soon as I walked in the door everyone started gushing over me and telling me how beautiful I looked, and reassuring me that my skin and hair looked amazing! It was so sweet. I got to talk about the pregnancy, and names and nursery ideas and everything in a totally no-holds-bar way that I haven't gotten to talk to my friends yet. Every was so happy for me and interested (or at least amazing pretenders if they weren't). It was so sweet. I had so much fun. When O picked me up two hours later he said I looked happier than I have in weeks, I was literally glowing. So hopefully bi-weekly mani pedis will be worth it from now...
Also, yesterday my brother Joe called me to tell me congratulations. It was really nice. I've never actually chatted with Joe, but he was asking how far along I am and when I'm due and he actually sounded excited for me, which was sweet. He said he was happy for me and he was sorry he didn't call sooner. I was really touched.
This is turning out to not be such a miserable week... Tonight is my cousins wedding, pray that word hasn't gotten around yet and I won't be bombarded and teased all night. amen.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
bad dreams
my preggo dreams are crazy. besides having these insane sex dreams that literally wake me up, I'm also having horrible dreams about orion leaving me and my parents dying.
when I was about 6 and half weeks pregs I had this horrible dream that I was having a dinner party and I went to the bathroom and while I was on the toilet the baby fell out. It was textbook perfect. It looked just like the 7-8 week old fetuses I see in the pregnancy books and movies. So I scooped it out of the toilet and held it in my palm. and just like that I wasn't pregnant anymore. no blood, no nothing. So i took it back into the dining room where all my guests were waiting and I showed it to them. I kept asking if anybody knew how to get it back in, but everyone seemed to think it was a joke. finally I heard a voice, maybe one of my friends, that said: "you're not pregnant anymore. accept it" and then I woke up. It scared the shit out of me and I couldn't fall back alseep. I hope it was just a ridiculous dream and not anything real...
I have my first appointment with the midwives at swedish convenent on Monday. I'm excited! I hope they let me see the baby and everything is ok. Lately I'm convinced that the reason my skin looks so good and my pregnancy symptoms aren't that bad is because it's a boy. I feel sure it's a boy.
when I was about 6 and half weeks pregs I had this horrible dream that I was having a dinner party and I went to the bathroom and while I was on the toilet the baby fell out. It was textbook perfect. It looked just like the 7-8 week old fetuses I see in the pregnancy books and movies. So I scooped it out of the toilet and held it in my palm. and just like that I wasn't pregnant anymore. no blood, no nothing. So i took it back into the dining room where all my guests were waiting and I showed it to them. I kept asking if anybody knew how to get it back in, but everyone seemed to think it was a joke. finally I heard a voice, maybe one of my friends, that said: "you're not pregnant anymore. accept it" and then I woke up. It scared the shit out of me and I couldn't fall back alseep. I hope it was just a ridiculous dream and not anything real...
I have my first appointment with the midwives at swedish convenent on Monday. I'm excited! I hope they let me see the baby and everything is ok. Lately I'm convinced that the reason my skin looks so good and my pregnancy symptoms aren't that bad is because it's a boy. I feel sure it's a boy.
my explosion at chase bank
so yesterday I had a crazy preggo hormonal meltdown. It started in the morning when my older brother's erstwhile girlfriend messaged me on facebook to say congratulations. Which was nice, but if she knew, then my older brothers must have known, so why haven't I heard from anyone? I know I should have called the boys myself, but I didn't know my dad would be on the horn that same day spreading the news far and wide. I sort of thought I'd get to tell the boys myself, and if not at least I'd get to talk to them about it at Mark's wedding this weekend. So it was weird to get congratulations from Joe's exgirlfriend before I heard anything from Joe. So then I called my dad to find out just who he had spread the news to, "have you told Aunt Judy?" I asked. His verbatim reply: "Honestly, I told so many people I can't remember who all I talked to." wow.
So apparently everyone knows. weird. Actually I'm a little touched. If he's telling all our relatives it must be because he's excited, right? right. I think that's cute. Then he told me that he picked my doctor (the same doctor who delivered me 26 years ago) and that I needed to call him ASAP. I think he was confused when I said I already had both a midwife and an obstetrician. "a woman?" he asked incredulously.
I've learned, finally many years later after a turmultuous adolescence, that the key to talk to my dad is just to "yes" everything. "yes, i'll call dr. ettner" "yes, I'll let you pick the god parents" "yes of course O knows he has to defer to you in all childrearing issues." I just "yes" my way through every conversation. At first it was difficult to learn because you have to surrender a bit of pride, but then I realized that it made my relationship with him much easier and he often doesn't remember specific conversation or really try and enforce things the way he used to. So it works out in the end.
So anyway, I was kind of bummed that my brothers couldn't even text me to say congrats, but it wasn't a huge deal. O and I have been kind of having a hard time with friends of ours who are trying to have a baby and (understandably) were disappointed by our news. I get it, I've been there. It's fine, I'll get over it. So my point is that all these things were adding up to get me all wild around the eye.
I decided to take the twins I nanny to this playground cafe so that they could run around and I could sit quietly on a big easy chair, read magazines, and drink decaf lattes. So I waited til they woke up from their nap, dressed them, packed them into the car, got them all excited about play cafe, and then once I'd ordered my latte and told the attendent to charge me for 2 kids my debit card got declined. OH SHIT. panic.
O and I just joined this high interest savings credit union with the intention of saving some money. We carefully took into account all of our bills and expenses and decided we could affored to put $300 into the credit union each month. BUT in my weird unattached pregnancy brain I forgot to factor our gym membership into the budget. So they just took out $130 causing us to be overwithdrawn by $60. SHIT. Then I remembered that in my exhaustion over the weekend I never deposited my paycheck from friday which is still sitting on the dining room table in one of the stacks of papers. shit shit shit.
So the twins and I drive over to my house and I leave them in the car while I dart upstairs, grab my money, and head back down. by this time the kids are understandably PISSED. I promised them play cafe and instead we're running a bunch of errands and I'm noticibly cranky. So I get to the bank and the kids are just in foul moods, whining, destroying things, rolling around on the floor. It is not fun. And the bank is REALLY backed up for 3:00 on a wednesday. I wait in line 15 minutes for the one available window even though there are greeters and bankers behind desks and tells behind closed windows. The one teller who has her window open looks terrified and all of 16. she must be new. Which is probably why it's taking so long. She fucked up the guy in front of me's deposit and seemed confused when I handed her $200 cash and a deposit slip. "Do you have your ID?" she asked. Weird that I need ID to make a DEPOSIT but whatever, I slip it under the window and try my best to corral the kids. "Um, your balance is negative..." "I know, that's why I'm depositing cash." "Oh, just checking."
Then while at least 6 other bankers stand around doing bullshit she tells me her computer just froze and she needs to call the helpline. It will take a few minutes.
I felt like a volcano. I literally saw red. And exploded. Can any of these other people who are doing nothing take a cash deposit? no. of course not. so I said some horrible things, vowed to never come back, and dragged the twins (one of whom was hiding the courtesy bowl of candy under her jacket) out to the car.
sheesh.
I'm not someone who emotes in public, I rarely if ever have yelled at service employee. I don't knwo what came over me. I literally was seeing red.
So apparently everyone knows. weird. Actually I'm a little touched. If he's telling all our relatives it must be because he's excited, right? right. I think that's cute. Then he told me that he picked my doctor (the same doctor who delivered me 26 years ago) and that I needed to call him ASAP. I think he was confused when I said I already had both a midwife and an obstetrician. "a woman?" he asked incredulously.
I've learned, finally many years later after a turmultuous adolescence, that the key to talk to my dad is just to "yes" everything. "yes, i'll call dr. ettner" "yes, I'll let you pick the god parents" "yes of course O knows he has to defer to you in all childrearing issues." I just "yes" my way through every conversation. At first it was difficult to learn because you have to surrender a bit of pride, but then I realized that it made my relationship with him much easier and he often doesn't remember specific conversation or really try and enforce things the way he used to. So it works out in the end.
So anyway, I was kind of bummed that my brothers couldn't even text me to say congrats, but it wasn't a huge deal. O and I have been kind of having a hard time with friends of ours who are trying to have a baby and (understandably) were disappointed by our news. I get it, I've been there. It's fine, I'll get over it. So my point is that all these things were adding up to get me all wild around the eye.
I decided to take the twins I nanny to this playground cafe so that they could run around and I could sit quietly on a big easy chair, read magazines, and drink decaf lattes. So I waited til they woke up from their nap, dressed them, packed them into the car, got them all excited about play cafe, and then once I'd ordered my latte and told the attendent to charge me for 2 kids my debit card got declined. OH SHIT. panic.
O and I just joined this high interest savings credit union with the intention of saving some money. We carefully took into account all of our bills and expenses and decided we could affored to put $300 into the credit union each month. BUT in my weird unattached pregnancy brain I forgot to factor our gym membership into the budget. So they just took out $130 causing us to be overwithdrawn by $60. SHIT. Then I remembered that in my exhaustion over the weekend I never deposited my paycheck from friday which is still sitting on the dining room table in one of the stacks of papers. shit shit shit.
So the twins and I drive over to my house and I leave them in the car while I dart upstairs, grab my money, and head back down. by this time the kids are understandably PISSED. I promised them play cafe and instead we're running a bunch of errands and I'm noticibly cranky. So I get to the bank and the kids are just in foul moods, whining, destroying things, rolling around on the floor. It is not fun. And the bank is REALLY backed up for 3:00 on a wednesday. I wait in line 15 minutes for the one available window even though there are greeters and bankers behind desks and tells behind closed windows. The one teller who has her window open looks terrified and all of 16. she must be new. Which is probably why it's taking so long. She fucked up the guy in front of me's deposit and seemed confused when I handed her $200 cash and a deposit slip. "Do you have your ID?" she asked. Weird that I need ID to make a DEPOSIT but whatever, I slip it under the window and try my best to corral the kids. "Um, your balance is negative..." "I know, that's why I'm depositing cash." "Oh, just checking."
Then while at least 6 other bankers stand around doing bullshit she tells me her computer just froze and she needs to call the helpline. It will take a few minutes.
I felt like a volcano. I literally saw red. And exploded. Can any of these other people who are doing nothing take a cash deposit? no. of course not. so I said some horrible things, vowed to never come back, and dragged the twins (one of whom was hiding the courtesy bowl of candy under her jacket) out to the car.
sheesh.
I'm not someone who emotes in public, I rarely if ever have yelled at service employee. I don't knwo what came over me. I literally was seeing red.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
one month ago today...
we came home from arliss's house and I decided to take a test so that my "phantom" symptoms would go away...
Time is just FLYING by. I can hardly believe it.
Time is just FLYING by. I can hardly believe it.
be grateful.
I like to think of myself as a person who looks for the best in any situation. I get frustrated sometimes when things don't go exactly my way, but I often comfort myself by finding something good about what is happening. I don't really understand people who can just be soo negative about everything. I almost want to shake them and say "you're only making things worse!"
I suppose I never really got crazy baby fever because I work with kids and I love being around kids and although they're fun there's no real mystery for me about the magic of being a parent; I know how hard it is. So when O and I were trying to have a kid for so long, or experiencing a "false start" I'd sort of fall back on the idea that I am blessed with 7 nieces and nephews and a handful of regular clients- I have a ton of kids in my life. And I love them dearly, but to be honest sometimes I just can't wait to give them back to their parents and go home to my quiet clean house. I guess what I'm getting at is that there's no perfect life. You can't wait for the magic "thing" that's going to make you happy and solve all your problems- be it a boyfriend or a baby. There are tons of good things about being single just like there are tons of good things about being married. Your husband might drive you nuts or it might drive you nuts to not have a built-in date for events. The same is true for kids. There were times I really wanted to have a baby- it's biological. But there were also a lot of times I was grateful it was just O and I. We do a lot of fun stuff. Knowing that we would eventually have kids I did my best to cram as many adventures into our unhindered life as possible. We took road trips and classes and stayed out late and drank too much and found ourselves in ridiculous situations. I feel like doing those things helped me feel more settled now that the time has come to start our family. Was I upset when we had a chemical pregnancy? Definitely. Horribly so. But I didn't let it take away my hope for what I knew we'd have one day. I found good things to say about what we do have and not what we lost.
I just don't understand how people put their lives on hold waiting to get pregnant. Not going out, not engaging, not adventuring, just waiting. I know the worst thing you can say to someone who's trying to have a kid is "just relax" but there's something to be said for the old adage "a watched pot never boils." If you've been trying to get pregnant for more than a year and haven't it's time to see your doctor about taking the next step. I don't get all this "we've been trying for 3 years but I don't know when I ovulate and I've never mentioned it to my gyn." If you don't see a dr you're sort of leaving yourself in that limbo and you can't really complain about it. I'm a big proponent of being proactive. If you don't like something then you need to change it, or at least find some good in your current sitaution. But most of all stop complaining. You're not doing yourself or your marriage any favors by wallowing.
O and I have been talking a lot about faith these days. What we believe, what we want our kids to believe. And I've realized that my big thing is gratitude. I want gracious kids. Instead of prayers before bed I want to say our "gratitudes" and really be thankful for everything we have. Yes, things can always be better but they can also always be worse. It's important to acknowledge and be thankful for what you do have and not just ask for what you don't. If I could start a religion it's tenents would be: Gratitude, Tradition, Community, and Family. Those are the things I believe in and those are the things I want to give to my child. Yes, we are going to baptize her and bring her up at St. Matthias, but we're also going to keep going to Full Moon dances and pagan fest and teach her about the universe and nature and karma. I believe that life is cyclical and what you give is what you get and the most important things are the ones you already have and are probably taking for granted.
I suppose I never really got crazy baby fever because I work with kids and I love being around kids and although they're fun there's no real mystery for me about the magic of being a parent; I know how hard it is. So when O and I were trying to have a kid for so long, or experiencing a "false start" I'd sort of fall back on the idea that I am blessed with 7 nieces and nephews and a handful of regular clients- I have a ton of kids in my life. And I love them dearly, but to be honest sometimes I just can't wait to give them back to their parents and go home to my quiet clean house. I guess what I'm getting at is that there's no perfect life. You can't wait for the magic "thing" that's going to make you happy and solve all your problems- be it a boyfriend or a baby. There are tons of good things about being single just like there are tons of good things about being married. Your husband might drive you nuts or it might drive you nuts to not have a built-in date for events. The same is true for kids. There were times I really wanted to have a baby- it's biological. But there were also a lot of times I was grateful it was just O and I. We do a lot of fun stuff. Knowing that we would eventually have kids I did my best to cram as many adventures into our unhindered life as possible. We took road trips and classes and stayed out late and drank too much and found ourselves in ridiculous situations. I feel like doing those things helped me feel more settled now that the time has come to start our family. Was I upset when we had a chemical pregnancy? Definitely. Horribly so. But I didn't let it take away my hope for what I knew we'd have one day. I found good things to say about what we do have and not what we lost.
I just don't understand how people put their lives on hold waiting to get pregnant. Not going out, not engaging, not adventuring, just waiting. I know the worst thing you can say to someone who's trying to have a kid is "just relax" but there's something to be said for the old adage "a watched pot never boils." If you've been trying to get pregnant for more than a year and haven't it's time to see your doctor about taking the next step. I don't get all this "we've been trying for 3 years but I don't know when I ovulate and I've never mentioned it to my gyn." If you don't see a dr you're sort of leaving yourself in that limbo and you can't really complain about it. I'm a big proponent of being proactive. If you don't like something then you need to change it, or at least find some good in your current sitaution. But most of all stop complaining. You're not doing yourself or your marriage any favors by wallowing.
O and I have been talking a lot about faith these days. What we believe, what we want our kids to believe. And I've realized that my big thing is gratitude. I want gracious kids. Instead of prayers before bed I want to say our "gratitudes" and really be thankful for everything we have. Yes, things can always be better but they can also always be worse. It's important to acknowledge and be thankful for what you do have and not just ask for what you don't. If I could start a religion it's tenents would be: Gratitude, Tradition, Community, and Family. Those are the things I believe in and those are the things I want to give to my child. Yes, we are going to baptize her and bring her up at St. Matthias, but we're also going to keep going to Full Moon dances and pagan fest and teach her about the universe and nature and karma. I believe that life is cyclical and what you give is what you get and the most important things are the ones you already have and are probably taking for granted.
we told the fam
So Sunday was O's 32 birthday and we celebrated at my parent's house. Dave was mysteriously "sick" and Joe was in Vegas which turned out to be somewhat of a relief since I was pretty much dreading having a peanut gallery. I know that every family has it's own personality and my family makes jokes, I get it. I even try and be a good sport about it most of the time, but it's so frusterating to me that we can never seem to take anything seriously. I'm glad that we can joke around and exchange jabs but do we really have to do it all the time? It's almost like we never get to be real with each other. There are always barriers up.
I'm not too bummed out anymore that we ended up telling everyone sooner than we'd hoped. I'm glad to have my mom's support and in a way it makes me less scared to have people know. It's weird, I thought I'd feel the opposite but actually it's almost a relieft to know so many people who love us are pulling for us.
O broke the news right before we sang happy birthday. I called everyone into the dining room and he said "grace is pregnant" at first everyone seemed to think he was kidding but then all the younger sibs and my nephews started clapping. It was really sweet. Of course then my dad had to start busting my balls about how he knew i'd "see it his way" and "come around" and making it like I'm some cow he now has control over. Kind of annoying really. It would have been nice if he could react to good news with, um, joy? and if not joy then definitely not sarcasm. Whatever, guess that's just how this family is. I'm just glad his partners in jab Dave and Joe weren't there. Something tells me it would not have gone as well. I know they must have heard the news by now from dad or one of the other brothers in the office but I haven't gotten so much as text saying "congratulations" I guess that would be expecting too much... I'm sure they'll give me plenty of shit on sunday.
O wrote this amazing blog on his page about the drama with my cousin and his views on religion and the pregnancy complications. I was pretty touched. check it out if you wish (though he's a bit more fearless and graphic than I am).
I'm not too bummed out anymore that we ended up telling everyone sooner than we'd hoped. I'm glad to have my mom's support and in a way it makes me less scared to have people know. It's weird, I thought I'd feel the opposite but actually it's almost a relieft to know so many people who love us are pulling for us.
O broke the news right before we sang happy birthday. I called everyone into the dining room and he said "grace is pregnant" at first everyone seemed to think he was kidding but then all the younger sibs and my nephews started clapping. It was really sweet. Of course then my dad had to start busting my balls about how he knew i'd "see it his way" and "come around" and making it like I'm some cow he now has control over. Kind of annoying really. It would have been nice if he could react to good news with, um, joy? and if not joy then definitely not sarcasm. Whatever, guess that's just how this family is. I'm just glad his partners in jab Dave and Joe weren't there. Something tells me it would not have gone as well. I know they must have heard the news by now from dad or one of the other brothers in the office but I haven't gotten so much as text saying "congratulations" I guess that would be expecting too much... I'm sure they'll give me plenty of shit on sunday.
O wrote this amazing blog on his page about the drama with my cousin and his views on religion and the pregnancy complications. I was pretty touched. check it out if you wish (though he's a bit more fearless and graphic than I am).
Saturday, October 9, 2010
bachelorette party last night
forgot to add that i went to April's bachelorette party last night. no one suspected a thing... i was mixing everyone else's drinks and just adding water to mine, so it looks like the secret is safe... for now
saturday, today
i spent an insane amount of time cleaning our bedroom in preparation of receiving a new (to us, formerly Arliss's) queen size bed. we figured it was time to upgrade from our full size and arliss was getting some wacky new memory foam business so she gave us her old one. the amount of dust in our room was staggering. i went vacuum crazy!
O went to For Eyes and ordered new glasses (finally after flushing hid down the toilet about two weeks ago) and it cost an arm and a leg. but he got a pretty good deal in general and bargained with the sales girl to get the "transition" lenses so i think it worked out. also, BIG NEWS, O got a promotion at work on friday. 8% raise (and he hasn't even been there a year yet!) I'm so proud of him. unfortunately his new position is at the other location about a 30 minute drive away, so looks like we won't be having lunch together every day anymore :( i'm SOO bummed about that.
Tomorrow is O's birthday and we're going to tell my whole fam about the little buddy. I hope everything goes well.
O went to For Eyes and ordered new glasses (finally after flushing hid down the toilet about two weeks ago) and it cost an arm and a leg. but he got a pretty good deal in general and bargained with the sales girl to get the "transition" lenses so i think it worked out. also, BIG NEWS, O got a promotion at work on friday. 8% raise (and he hasn't even been there a year yet!) I'm so proud of him. unfortunately his new position is at the other location about a 30 minute drive away, so looks like we won't be having lunch together every day anymore :( i'm SOO bummed about that.
Tomorrow is O's birthday and we're going to tell my whole fam about the little buddy. I hope everything goes well.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
PS:
it was a terrible and costly mistake to discover that etsy.com has nursery decor. OMG. i'm dying. i just want to decorate the whole nursery with trees and baby birds!
week 7
today i realized that i get the worst nausea when i don't eat. i'm trying really hard to not gain any weight in the first trimester, but today i got sicker than i have ever been because i woke up late and decided to just grab a banana on the run. ugh. so sick. so from now on i'm eating whole meals.
also yesterday i went back to the gym. i took it SO easy and only did 25 minutes on the modified legs and arms elliptical and then walked about a half a mile around the track. i actually felt great afterwards, so i think i'm back for good.
i'm starting to feel a lot more comfortable with the pregnancy now that the progesterone is giving me actual pregnancy symptoms. i took myself off "pelvic rest" on monday and i haven't had any issues with spotting or cramping.
O and i decided this week that it's a boy... i guess we'll find out in another 10 weeks
also yesterday i went back to the gym. i took it SO easy and only did 25 minutes on the modified legs and arms elliptical and then walked about a half a mile around the track. i actually felt great afterwards, so i think i'm back for good.
i'm starting to feel a lot more comfortable with the pregnancy now that the progesterone is giving me actual pregnancy symptoms. i took myself off "pelvic rest" on monday and i haven't had any issues with spotting or cramping.
O and i decided this week that it's a boy... i guess we'll find out in another 10 weeks
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
barely keeping my eyes open to write this
wow! what a weekend. I'm tired just thinking about it.
O's mom came on friday, for a fun action packed weekend. Also, I broke down and told my mom and my older sister about the baby. I knew if my cousin let it leak out they were the two who would be the most hurt, so I figured I'd just tell them and swear them to secrecy. My sister seems to be having a few slips, but I don't think anyone has noticed, and my mom has been really nice and supportive.
We had a wine and appetizer dinner party on friday night with O's mom and BF and my mom and sister. O "told" mom-in-law by handing her the sonogram pic. She seemed really excited, it was fun. It was kind of a late night and I woke up really early the next day feeling nauseous. I had to wake O up and send him to cafe sel marie for eggs and potatoes (which I was dyyyying for). Then by the time everyone else woke up around noon/one and started talking about going out to "breakfast" I was hungry again, so i ordered a short stack of buckwheat pancakes with fruit. SO good!
after brunch O took the inlaws to tour downtown, but it was so late in the afternoon (and I knew it was going to be a late night) so I opted out and went home to nap. then we went out for middle eastern food for dinner (geez, i just realized how much of this post is about food) and then we went to Give Peace a Dance.
Here's the thing- we've been going to these dance-off drum circles for ages now, and I always dance pretty much from start to finish no problem, but this one exhausted me. I went through THREE 32oz water bottles almost right away, and my muscles were SO sore the next day. it was brutal. my calves are still burning. I was practically hobbling around the next day. I don't get it. So i'm vowing to go back to the gym this week, pelvic rest or not, I can at least go swimming.
Sunday we had the wine auction. oh man, so much smelly food. I spent a lot of the day in the bathroom. I think O's mom had fun and it was nice to see everyone getting along and being all jokey. real family togetherness stuff. My dad thought it would be funny to tell a bunch of people in our church that "my son-in-law is dying for babies but my daughter won't let him have any." So i had people coming up to me all day and saying, "your dad sent me over to ask when you're going to have kids." a month ago I would have gone apeshit over this, but it was ok and i was able to laugh it off.
all in all, I think everyone had a lot of fun. O was saying that he was looking forward to having a peaceful next weekend at home, but then I reminded him how much we have going on from now until thanksgiving. between out-of-town guests, weddings and birthdays we are packed!
I read online that large doses of supplementary progesterone acts like a sedative in your body. so true. I'm so exhausted now I can barely muster up the energy to write this. Not to mention my spelling and grammar has steadily gone downhill. I don't even care. I'm just barely keeping my eyes open.
O's mom came on friday, for a fun action packed weekend. Also, I broke down and told my mom and my older sister about the baby. I knew if my cousin let it leak out they were the two who would be the most hurt, so I figured I'd just tell them and swear them to secrecy. My sister seems to be having a few slips, but I don't think anyone has noticed, and my mom has been really nice and supportive.
We had a wine and appetizer dinner party on friday night with O's mom and BF and my mom and sister. O "told" mom-in-law by handing her the sonogram pic. She seemed really excited, it was fun. It was kind of a late night and I woke up really early the next day feeling nauseous. I had to wake O up and send him to cafe sel marie for eggs and potatoes (which I was dyyyying for). Then by the time everyone else woke up around noon/one and started talking about going out to "breakfast" I was hungry again, so i ordered a short stack of buckwheat pancakes with fruit. SO good!
after brunch O took the inlaws to tour downtown, but it was so late in the afternoon (and I knew it was going to be a late night) so I opted out and went home to nap. then we went out for middle eastern food for dinner (geez, i just realized how much of this post is about food) and then we went to Give Peace a Dance.
Here's the thing- we've been going to these dance-off drum circles for ages now, and I always dance pretty much from start to finish no problem, but this one exhausted me. I went through THREE 32oz water bottles almost right away, and my muscles were SO sore the next day. it was brutal. my calves are still burning. I was practically hobbling around the next day. I don't get it. So i'm vowing to go back to the gym this week, pelvic rest or not, I can at least go swimming.
Sunday we had the wine auction. oh man, so much smelly food. I spent a lot of the day in the bathroom. I think O's mom had fun and it was nice to see everyone getting along and being all jokey. real family togetherness stuff. My dad thought it would be funny to tell a bunch of people in our church that "my son-in-law is dying for babies but my daughter won't let him have any." So i had people coming up to me all day and saying, "your dad sent me over to ask when you're going to have kids." a month ago I would have gone apeshit over this, but it was ok and i was able to laugh it off.
all in all, I think everyone had a lot of fun. O was saying that he was looking forward to having a peaceful next weekend at home, but then I reminded him how much we have going on from now until thanksgiving. between out-of-town guests, weddings and birthdays we are packed!
I read online that large doses of supplementary progesterone acts like a sedative in your body. so true. I'm so exhausted now I can barely muster up the energy to write this. Not to mention my spelling and grammar has steadily gone downhill. I don't even care. I'm just barely keeping my eyes open.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Zzzzz...
I have so many things I want to write but I'm too tired so i'm going to make this a reminder list:
-progesterone made me bonkers last night
-crazy sex dreams and I dreamt the entire score of fiddler on roof, with Arliss as Tevia
-ice pick headache
-O and religion (RCIA and faith)
-progesterone made me bonkers last night
-crazy sex dreams and I dreamt the entire score of fiddler on roof, with Arliss as Tevia
-ice pick headache
-O and religion (RCIA and faith)
baby's got heartbeat!!
got the emergency ultrasound today to make sure everything's in the right place and the baby is growing. she's measuring a little big, closer to 7 weeks so I must've ovulated early or something, but I got to see her beautiful beating heart. She's very alive and there's no weird fluids or cysts that would be causing the bleeding, so it looks like it really was just the low progesterone that was threatening the pregnancy.
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