Hubs has been so over the moon amazing since this whole thing started. When we first started trying to have a kid, I admit I wasn't 100% committed, but when I saw how badly he wanted to be a dad and how much it would mean to him it made me want to be the person who could give him that.
For as long as I've known O I've always thought he would make a great dad. Even before I realized it, it's one of those things that I was most attracted to about him. He's wanted kids basically since he was kid, and he's great with them. Everywhere we go kids flock to him. My nephews LOVE him like crazy. The kids I nanny for ask about him all day. He's simply amazing.
When we first got that second line my immediate reaction was some degree of terror. So many things could go wrong. So many reasons we're not ready for this. I've been a mess since day 1 and O has been my support, my friend, my light. I've never seen him so sure or so happy. Even with all my nausea and acne he constantly looks at me like he adores me and that helps me get through the harder parts. I've been known to say "stop looking at me with your love eyes" but he never does, just looks at me like I handed him the world.
I've been a jumble of raw nerves and emotions and bodily functions and ginormo boobs and O has never made me feel more secure in our life together or what we're doing. He constantly surprises me with his unfailing support even when I'm crying for no reason or cursing my life that I can't just eat cupcakes and lay in bed like a normal pregnant woman.
A few days ago, I went looking for a good "A Dad's Guide to Pregnancy" type book but they were all so offensive. I couldn't believe there were actually guys who felt trapped and resentful of their wife's pregnancy. All the books were like, "how to cope with the fact that your wife is getting fat" and "sex? not any more" and "so your life of freedom is over" I couldn't imagine getting one of those types of books for O. It didn't seem like something he'd identify with at all. I got this sort of general guide to pregnancy that had these "dad's diary" segments in with every section on how dads coped with the changes. In one of them it said, "more than anything else I felt an overwhelming loss of freedom at first. I was never going to teach English in Korea or climb mt. everest." I showed it to O and asked if he was feeling like that. "We need to be honest and communicate" I said "you don't need to be the strong one."
O looked totally shocked. "I don't think you understand" he said "I've wanted this since I was a kid. This is like a dream come true for me. I don't feel like I'm losing my freedom, if anything I feel like the world is opening up for me." He is really the most amazing husband I can imagine anyone having. I feel so lucky to be with a guy who's just as excited about my pregnancy as I am.
His support and friendship make me believe that everything is going to be ok, no matter what and I am so grateful to have him at my side for this new adventure in our lives.
Thanks buddy.
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